Every time I walk by tinned (canned) pumpkin in the grocery story, I have to fight the compulsion to buy it. It’s not that I have some addiction to pumpkin, but that I like to make pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving, and it was a rarity in London. I have lived back in the US for several years now, and I know that tinned pumpkin isn’t hard to find. I can buy it whenever I want, even in July. However, I can’t help but remember scouring the shelves for it back in England. Then, I knew that anytime I saw it I should buy it. That I should buy two cans in case I couldn’t come back to the store the one day they sold it.
One year I went to the store 3 times, starting a month before Thanksgiving and each time was told they had had tinned pumpkin, but soon found out that it was gone. Completely exasperated, I asked to speak to the manager. “I am an American in desperate need of tinned pumpkin for my Thanksgiving pie. I know that there are lots of other Americans who shop at this store and I’m sure you know when our holidays are. This is my 3rd trip to the store. Can you please explain to me why it is never available?”
Equally frustrated, the manager exclaimed, “Ma’am, I have ordered 26 cases of tinned pumpkin. What do you people DO with the stuff?”
I had to laugh. He brought in some more cases and personally held some for me. That year I took 3 cans.
Holidays can be a challenging part of the expat experience. Thanksgiving may be particularly challenging, as it’s not widely celebrated outside of the United States and Canada, and, perhaps more importantly, because it is centered around family, family that expats may find themselves far from.
For expats, holidays, in general, are twofold. On the one hand they are joyous occasions of holding onto what is familiar, and on the other hand, painful reminders of the sacrifices we make for this, “wonderful opportunity”. Holidays come packed with memories of people, places and experiences and, while abroad, they are reminders of people we cannot be with and events we aren’t part of. The pain of separation, feelings of loss, awareness of distance, beliefs that ‘my family celebrated in the best way’ may exacerbated during the holiday seasons.
Holidays, like Thanksgiving, that are not recognized in your host culture add another level of complexity. There are logistical problems, like difficulties in securing supplies to celebrate as you would like (hence the need to hoard tinned pumpkin). There can also be the emotional jab of the lack of understanding of the significance or meaning of your holiday. Add the fact that the Thursday of Thanksgiving isn’t a holiday in any other part of the world means expats are often celebrating on the weekend when relatives back home have moved on to Christmas shopping.
Holidays serve as markers of time, tradition, history, season and religion. Holidays demonstrate the degree to which we are part of and defined by culture or religion. Holidays help us recognize that much of our identity is dictated by where we come from. Being away from home tends to pull us closer to our home culture, and we may find ourselves more patriotic or religious than we were in our passport country. As a result, celebrating holidays becomes increasingly necessary to our lives abroad. Celebrating holidays, following rituals and pursuing tradition helps maintain a sense of internal stability within an external environment that is constantly reminding us of how foreign we are.
Like so much else in the expat lifestyle, managing holidays and the emotions they raise requires adaptability, creativity and flexibility. Let Thanksgiving abroad become an opportunity to create new traditions with your adopted community and new friends. Sharing holidays with others far from home allows for the building of new cherished memories. Including those whose holiday it isn’t makes for the most enjoyable type of cross-cultural ‘training.’ Our English friends treasured being included in a holiday they had heard about or seen on tv.
So, while I loved the chance to “go home” for the holidays I was also able to feel “at home” where I was when the holidays rolled around. And that is the best of both worlds for an expatriate!
(My daughter organized Thanksgiving dinner for classmates and teachers during her study abroad in Senegal. This is her apple tart. Down below is her Grandma taking a photo of her on skype. Apart and not apart all at the same time.)
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